Whining and Weaning

Feels like yesterday that Elijah was born, and now he's fourteen months old! I remember wondering if I was EVER going to be done nursing. Some days I felt so trapped by the schedule and limitations nursing imposed. But I would not change a thing. What a blessing to be able to provide for your baby.

So over the course of the last few months, I've gradually taken out a nursing period, leaving us with just the morning feeding. A few days ago, I decided it was time. We will be gone for three nights in the middle of October, and we knew he needed to be weaned by then. I wanted to give him the chance to get used to not nursing with us here, before we left him.

The last three mornings have been PAINFUL. Physically, yes...a little. But emotionally, a ton. He's been so upset and fussy, and I've felt so sad.

Who knew? After fourteen months, I didn't expect to be so sad. But I feel so badly for him because I can't explain why I'm taking away the one thing he's known since birth. Mommyhood is hard. Transitions happen so quickly. If I'm this sad over weaning, how am I going to feel about college?!

But Praise be to God, who took me from a place of total darkness (depression) and enlightened my life to the fullest measure! I thought I would never make it through those first few months, and now I would do it a hundred times over. :)

Dependence

"Do everything in dependence on Me." That's what the Lord continually speaks to me. Sometimes hourly, always daily. I find myself doing, doing, doing......and depending less. Until I hit the wall. You know the wall. The really painful brick one that comes out of nowhere. Like maybe when you've had a busy day and your husband says something like, "do I have any clean undershirts?" (And the answer is "no"). There's the wall. And you lose it.

That's when I know I'm depending less.

My heart desires this constant dependence, my heart NEEDS this. John 15:5 reminds us to abide in Him - only then do we produce fruit. Because it's Christ IN us producing the fruit as we abide in Him. Pretty amazing.

The season we're in is wonderfully hard. :) As new staffers with Campus Crusade, we are raising our financial support. So we work our daytime jobs and then raise support evenings and weekends. Brent's full-time job ends October 1st, so we are both looking for full/part time work to get us by until we have enough support coming in to scale back. We'd love for that to be sooner rather than later. And our home is for sale.

Dependence on Him is all we have. We fully believe He does not call the equipped, He equips the called. And each day He equips us with exactly what we need for that day. And that is GOOD. He is Good.

One Year Ago Today...

Elijah was a day overdue. My coworker and wonderful friend, Angie, walked down Gay street in downtown Knoxville to Chick-fil-a. I should say she walked, I waddled. I was feeling pretty good, aside from the fact that I was working a day past my due date. :)

I ordered a large cookies 'n' cream milkshake, with the intention of saving half of it for Brent. But by the time we walked the six blocks back to work, my milkshake was gone. I don't know what happened! Elijah must have been hungry...Then the dancing began.

For hours.

Angie and I watched him do the rumba in my belly. Too much sugar...

We laughed and hoped that would be just the rush he needed to come out!

I guess it was, because at 1:00 AM the next morning, my contractions began. And at 7:06 PM that evening, he arrived.

We've decided to make it a tradition to drink a milkshake the day before his birthday each year. So here's to our first year!

Happy Birthday, Elijah! You're such a gift from God. I love you.

Mama

Pride Before the Fall

Elijah is about to turn one....I can't believe how fast time has flown! As many of you know, though, it has been a tough year for me. I battled severe postpartum depression for months after Elijah was born. By God's grace, we both came out alive and well! He's been good to us. The transition to full-time motherhood has not been easy, though, as I have discovered just how selfish I can be. And how demanding being a mom is. I loved working. I enjoyed the satisfaction I received from being "good" at what I did and making money doing it! And I felt guilty when I didn't enjoy being at home. Over the course of the year, I've battled the feeling that my days are pointless and it's just too hard to survive on the income we have. But the Lord has sustained us, and we believe whole heartedly in the ministry He is calling us to. We wouldn't be joining staff with Crusade (I believe) if life had been moving along just groovily and we hadn't needed Him so desperately.

Okay, so this brings us to date. I had prided myself on being a generally healthy person. I've grown up homeopathically, taking herbs and eating organic foods. I was under the impression our child would be just as healthy. However, he has had one illness after another since the time he was 6 weeks old. Just when we think we are over one thing, another begins. And as a mom, my heart breaks when I can't just make it better!

Eczema is a dreaded illness. Ironically, it's a sign that he really is healthy. His body is saying, "I can't process the foods you're giving me, so I'm going to release my frustration through your skin!" But my child LOVES to eat. At 17 pounds, I have no idea where it all goes. And he's still nursing three times a day! We saw an herbalist here in Winter Park today to try to get a better idea of ways we can eliminate the eczema (and not just treat the symptoms). Eight herbs later and a severe elimination of available food choices, we might be headed in the right direction. But I feel quite discouraged.

Here's what he can't eat: any milk/dairy product, egg, wheat/gluten, starch, fruit, and sugar. This also means mama can't eat these things because she's still nursing. Which means dada can't either, because he would be dead meat! So what can my child eat?? Green beans, beans, peas, carrots....I think that's it. No more "Mum Mum's" or yogurt, or anything else that he has lived on for the past 5 months.

So tomorrow begins our journey. Whole Foods for millet and rice milk, cereal, crackers, organic foods....trusting that the Lord is going to provide the funds to feed our family what we need to live healthy lives. And praying that He will change my heart of disappointment, anger and frustration that I feel toward Him for making this so painful for me! I hate the pain of being pruned. But I know from past trimmings, that the fruit is always perfect.

Please pray for my heart - that I would be encouraged in the midst of this. That Elijah would adapt to his new limited diet, and really LIKE the foods he will be offered. That we would be able to financially handle the cost of these new foods. And that God would get the glory when His child is well!

Lindsay

Vonette Bright...and Romance

Thank you for your prayers! Elijah did so much better today, as did the other children. We were finally able to get a prescription cream for his eczema, which began helping immediately.

Vonette Bright spoke to us tonight! She is BEAUTIFUL. What a wonderful testimony she gave of her late husband, Bill Bright, and the ministry the two of them began almost 50 years ago. God is so creative. Who could have conjured up what He has done through two small town farmer kids? Only GOD.

There's so much more to tell, but my eyes are closing.

Now for the latter half of my post...

So we passed by a billboard in Daytona Beach that read, "Adam and Eve, the Romance Shop". I was in and out of consciousness at the time, but the image stuck in my mind. I've thought about it for several days now. First of all, "romance" has nothing to do with toys and gadgets. God romances us minute by minute. I don't know about you, but I don't need gadgets with God. And to use Adam and Eve as a representation of romance in such a foul way reminds me just how distorted a view we have on sex. So.....romance and sex. Are they one in the same? They can be. But they certainly aren't always. You tell me...

Day #2

We officially registered yesterday and began with a kick-off meeting last night. Today was our first day of classes....and childcare.

Mommy and baby are having a hard time with it. I know, I'm a wuss. But I like my life as easy as possible, and childcare makes it a little tougher. There are four babies under a year and one toddler under the supervision of two teenage gals. God bless them!! I am praying they get a good routine and understanding of each child so their lives are simpler also. Elijah was cranky all afternoon. The eczema has returned with a vengeance. He was just fussing all day and scratching everywhere. Please pray we can get a grip on this. It hurts my heart to see him so uncomfortable and be powerless to fix it. Seems no one has ever seen eczema this bad. I guess that's the curse of being a mom. When your baby hurts, you hurt. So I'm hurting for him....

Otherwise, we're doing well. It is the rainy season in Winter Park, Florida. CRAZY mad thunderstorms! Every afternoon. We live right by the fire station, so I think we heard 12 fire trucks pass by our room today.

We received another check in the mail today! Thank you! We know many of you have plans to give and we thank you in advance for that. We only lack a few thousand dollars at this point to round up our training costs. To God be the Glory.

Goodnight!

Lindsay

We're here.

Three days later, we're here! It took us longer than anticipated with a ten-month old - guess that was to be expected. We spent Saturday night with Brent's brother and wife in Douglas, GA, and had a sweet time with them and their soon-to-be little one. :) Then we made it to Atlantic City, Florida, where my very first childhood friend and her husband live. Had some delicious shrimp tacos, homemade guacamole, and grilled corn, topped off with a walk on the beach! Ahh...the particles. :) Today, we arrived in Winter Park, Florida, to a beautiful campus at Rollins College. Of course, there were some unexpected obstacles with room arrangements and such, but we are settling in. And I think Elijah is sleeping soundly for the first time in three days. We all need that!

Our one-bedroom apartment is just perfect for five weeks. Way better than expected. Brent's at Walmart (you just can't avoid it!) right now grabbing some food for us for the week and a couple of last minute things we need (like an egg crate, because I'm needy when I sleep). We arrived a day early so we could get settled in, and we're so glad we made that decision. We're completely wiped.

We officially check

in for classes tomorrow, with a welcoming meeting tomorrow evening. We've had the

opportunity to meet some other families who checked in early also, and I believe we will have a super sweet time with them.

So for now, all I can say is how Good God is. We're safe. We're here. We're provided for. And we're in His grip. Thank you for all your prayers!

Love,

Lindsay