Pride Before the Fall

Elijah is about to turn one....I can't believe how fast time has flown! As many of you know, though, it has been a tough year for me. I battled severe postpartum depression for months after Elijah was born. By God's grace, we both came out alive and well! He's been good to us. The transition to full-time motherhood has not been easy, though, as I have discovered just how selfish I can be. And how demanding being a mom is. I loved working. I enjoyed the satisfaction I received from being "good" at what I did and making money doing it! And I felt guilty when I didn't enjoy being at home. Over the course of the year, I've battled the feeling that my days are pointless and it's just too hard to survive on the income we have. But the Lord has sustained us, and we believe whole heartedly in the ministry He is calling us to. We wouldn't be joining staff with Crusade (I believe) if life had been moving along just groovily and we hadn't needed Him so desperately.

Okay, so this brings us to date. I had prided myself on being a generally healthy person. I've grown up homeopathically, taking herbs and eating organic foods. I was under the impression our child would be just as healthy. However, he has had one illness after another since the time he was 6 weeks old. Just when we think we are over one thing, another begins. And as a mom, my heart breaks when I can't just make it better!

Eczema is a dreaded illness. Ironically, it's a sign that he really is healthy. His body is saying, "I can't process the foods you're giving me, so I'm going to release my frustration through your skin!" But my child LOVES to eat. At 17 pounds, I have no idea where it all goes. And he's still nursing three times a day! We saw an herbalist here in Winter Park today to try to get a better idea of ways we can eliminate the eczema (and not just treat the symptoms). Eight herbs later and a severe elimination of available food choices, we might be headed in the right direction. But I feel quite discouraged.

Here's what he can't eat: any milk/dairy product, egg, wheat/gluten, starch, fruit, and sugar. This also means mama can't eat these things because she's still nursing. Which means dada can't either, because he would be dead meat! So what can my child eat?? Green beans, beans, peas, carrots....I think that's it. No more "Mum Mum's" or yogurt, or anything else that he has lived on for the past 5 months.

So tomorrow begins our journey. Whole Foods for millet and rice milk, cereal, crackers, organic foods....trusting that the Lord is going to provide the funds to feed our family what we need to live healthy lives. And praying that He will change my heart of disappointment, anger and frustration that I feel toward Him for making this so painful for me! I hate the pain of being pruned. But I know from past trimmings, that the fruit is always perfect.

Please pray for my heart - that I would be encouraged in the midst of this. That Elijah would adapt to his new limited diet, and really LIKE the foods he will be offered. That we would be able to financially handle the cost of these new foods. And that God would get the glory when His child is well!

Lindsay