Pride Before the Fall

Elijah is about to turn one....I can't believe how fast time has flown! As many of you know, though, it has been a tough year for me. I battled severe postpartum depression for months after Elijah was born. By God's grace, we both came out alive and well! He's been good to us. The transition to full-time motherhood has not been easy, though, as I have discovered just how selfish I can be. And how demanding being a mom is. I loved working. I enjoyed the satisfaction I received from being "good" at what I did and making money doing it! And I felt guilty when I didn't enjoy being at home. Over the course of the year, I've battled the feeling that my days are pointless and it's just too hard to survive on the income we have. But the Lord has sustained us, and we believe whole heartedly in the ministry He is calling us to. We wouldn't be joining staff with Crusade (I believe) if life had been moving along just groovily and we hadn't needed Him so desperately.

Okay, so this brings us to date. I had prided myself on being a generally healthy person. I've grown up homeopathically, taking herbs and eating organic foods. I was under the impression our child would be just as healthy. However, he has had one illness after another since the time he was 6 weeks old. Just when we think we are over one thing, another begins. And as a mom, my heart breaks when I can't just make it better!

Eczema is a dreaded illness. Ironically, it's a sign that he really is healthy. His body is saying, "I can't process the foods you're giving me, so I'm going to release my frustration through your skin!" But my child LOVES to eat. At 17 pounds, I have no idea where it all goes. And he's still nursing three times a day! We saw an herbalist here in Winter Park today to try to get a better idea of ways we can eliminate the eczema (and not just treat the symptoms). Eight herbs later and a severe elimination of available food choices, we might be headed in the right direction. But I feel quite discouraged.

Here's what he can't eat: any milk/dairy product, egg, wheat/gluten, starch, fruit, and sugar. This also means mama can't eat these things because she's still nursing. Which means dada can't either, because he would be dead meat! So what can my child eat?? Green beans, beans, peas, carrots....I think that's it. No more "Mum Mum's" or yogurt, or anything else that he has lived on for the past 5 months.

So tomorrow begins our journey. Whole Foods for millet and rice milk, cereal, crackers, organic foods....trusting that the Lord is going to provide the funds to feed our family what we need to live healthy lives. And praying that He will change my heart of disappointment, anger and frustration that I feel toward Him for making this so painful for me! I hate the pain of being pruned. But I know from past trimmings, that the fruit is always perfect.

Please pray for my heart - that I would be encouraged in the midst of this. That Elijah would adapt to his new limited diet, and really LIKE the foods he will be offered. That we would be able to financially handle the cost of these new foods. And that God would get the glory when His child is well!

Lindsay

Vonette Bright...and Romance

Thank you for your prayers! Elijah did so much better today, as did the other children. We were finally able to get a prescription cream for his eczema, which began helping immediately.

Vonette Bright spoke to us tonight! She is BEAUTIFUL. What a wonderful testimony she gave of her late husband, Bill Bright, and the ministry the two of them began almost 50 years ago. God is so creative. Who could have conjured up what He has done through two small town farmer kids? Only GOD.

There's so much more to tell, but my eyes are closing.

Now for the latter half of my post...

So we passed by a billboard in Daytona Beach that read, "Adam and Eve, the Romance Shop". I was in and out of consciousness at the time, but the image stuck in my mind. I've thought about it for several days now. First of all, "romance" has nothing to do with toys and gadgets. God romances us minute by minute. I don't know about you, but I don't need gadgets with God. And to use Adam and Eve as a representation of romance in such a foul way reminds me just how distorted a view we have on sex. So.....romance and sex. Are they one in the same? They can be. But they certainly aren't always. You tell me...

Day #2

We officially registered yesterday and began with a kick-off meeting last night. Today was our first day of classes....and childcare.

Mommy and baby are having a hard time with it. I know, I'm a wuss. But I like my life as easy as possible, and childcare makes it a little tougher. There are four babies under a year and one toddler under the supervision of two teenage gals. God bless them!! I am praying they get a good routine and understanding of each child so their lives are simpler also. Elijah was cranky all afternoon. The eczema has returned with a vengeance. He was just fussing all day and scratching everywhere. Please pray we can get a grip on this. It hurts my heart to see him so uncomfortable and be powerless to fix it. Seems no one has ever seen eczema this bad. I guess that's the curse of being a mom. When your baby hurts, you hurt. So I'm hurting for him....

Otherwise, we're doing well. It is the rainy season in Winter Park, Florida. CRAZY mad thunderstorms! Every afternoon. We live right by the fire station, so I think we heard 12 fire trucks pass by our room today.

We received another check in the mail today! Thank you! We know many of you have plans to give and we thank you in advance for that. We only lack a few thousand dollars at this point to round up our training costs. To God be the Glory.

Goodnight!

Lindsay

We're here.

Three days later, we're here! It took us longer than anticipated with a ten-month old - guess that was to be expected. We spent Saturday night with Brent's brother and wife in Douglas, GA, and had a sweet time with them and their soon-to-be little one. :) Then we made it to Atlantic City, Florida, where my very first childhood friend and her husband live. Had some delicious shrimp tacos, homemade guacamole, and grilled corn, topped off with a walk on the beach! Ahh...the particles. :) Today, we arrived in Winter Park, Florida, to a beautiful campus at Rollins College. Of course, there were some unexpected obstacles with room arrangements and such, but we are settling in. And I think Elijah is sleeping soundly for the first time in three days. We all need that!

Our one-bedroom apartment is just perfect for five weeks. Way better than expected. Brent's at Walmart (you just can't avoid it!) right now grabbing some food for us for the week and a couple of last minute things we need (like an egg crate, because I'm needy when I sleep). We arrived a day early so we could get settled in, and we're so glad we made that decision. We're completely wiped.

We officially check

in for classes tomorrow, with a welcoming meeting tomorrow evening. We've had the

opportunity to meet some other families who checked in early also, and I believe we will have a super sweet time with them.

So for now, all I can say is how Good God is. We're safe. We're here. We're provided for. And we're in His grip. Thank you for all your prayers!

Love,

Lindsay

First Fruits

Only God can take one of the most painful weeks and turn it into one of the sweetest weeks of our lives. Brent and I have gotten a good kick out of his week so far. He began it with a stomach bug, then had two flat tires on his birthday, and ended Wednesday by getting fired. But OH, how Thursday and Friday have been filled with richness and kindness.

My sweet friend, Julie, served me today with her time and her hands. We went out to the garden in our backyard and picked gobs of squash and zucchini. More than we could possibly eat before it went bad! So after using four zucchini to make two loaves of bread and four squash to make baby food for Elijah, and Julie taking four for her family, we still have a ton of fruit left! Feels to me like feeding the 5,000. I'm just sitting here reveling in the goodness of Him. He promises to provide. Walking out into the garden and seeing the abundance of fruit just filled me with The Promise. And this is just the beginning.

2 Corinthians 1: 8 had the Gosnell family written all over it this morning:

8 For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia (or Knoxville). For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10 He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 11 You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.

We await with eager anticipation His deliverance in our lives and in yours! No more despair.

Come eat of the fruit of our garden while we are away. Isn't it sweet of the Lord to allow us to continue to give in our time of need. I love HIM!

Until tomorrow,

Lindsay

Here we go!

I find myself so inspired reading others' blogs, that I think, "what am I waiting for?" I don't aim to inspire, but to share my heart.

For five years, Brent and I have been on a journey with the Lord, trying to navigate through the storms. As many know, we met on the mission field in 2004. We just assumed it would be easy to get back to that place once we were married. But life happened. Debt happened. Busyness happened. So over the course of years, we joined the Dave Ramsey bandwagon (!!), worked hard, paid off our debt, sought out mission agencies, went to Africa, found out we were pregnant, and bore Elijah. Phew!! That brings us to today. :)

Our hearts are for people. Not big corporate America and all its promise of wealth and glory. While that is tempting, and it is a daily battle for me, I want MORE. I want eternal wealth. So we sought the Lord, and He bore us fruit in the shape of Campus Crusade for Christ. We applied, have been accepted, and are heading to training in four weeks. Wow! When He moves, He moves!

I was in the process of praying over support letters when the Lord said to me, "Let them know." "Let who know, Lord?" So this is for whoever is supposed to read this. :)

A need of ours is for someone to stay in our home while we are away. Feed our cats, water our garden, enjoy the fruits, and check our mail. Please pray for that right person. :)

We'll be in a one bedroom apartment on a college campus in Orlando, FL for 5 weeks. Sounds fun with a ten month old, doesn't it? Our adventure starts today! You know, with the Lord, it's always an adventure. And really, that's the way we want it. We want Him one step ahead of us, preparing the way. We know it won't be "easy". He never promised that. But He will be there. And He is Good.

After training, we'll begin raising a team of supporters who believe in what the Lord is doing in us and in our ministry. I'm not worried at all. In fact, I have this strange peace that I think concerns others. But for the last 10 months, we've had every need of ours met. We've lived frugally, to say the least, but we've lived! And there's something sweet in total dependence upon Him for our manna.

I'll close with the chorus of the song I'm listening to right now:

"Glorious! My eyes have seen the glory of the Lord

Glorious! He stands above the rulers of the earth

Glorious, Glorious, Lord, You are, GLORIOUS!"

Baby's Awake!

Lindsay :)

Things I saw today...

As I was getting ready to run around town this morning, Elijah was jumping happily to the African animal music. As I pass by the living room a few minutes later, I notice that the music has stopped. So figuring he was getting bored, I walked in and saw this...though it was now accompanied by a different sort of music: "Haaa Shooo, Haaaa Shooo...". How do you fall asleep in a jumper?! That's supposed to be the most exciting toy there ever was! :) Apparently not to my child.

So after squeezing my sleeping jumper out of this seat and into his car seat, we head off down the road to see if we can find any deals at garage sales. (Since we decided I would not return to work, we are trying to find ways to make additional money. You'd be surprised at what one man's trash can be another man's gold!) To my sheer delight, I come across this sign planted IN SOMEONE'S FRONT YARD! In case the photo isn't clear, it says, "Prepare to Meet Thy God." I laughed so hard when I passed by that I had to turn around, pull into their driveway, roll down my window, and take a picture of this "evangelistic" sign. Goodness. What is this world coming to?

So as I'm pondering this sign, wondering what it even really means and how they think this is beneficial to passers-by, I see this: a beautiful sun-streamed pasture. And I think, "I just met my God." He's in the beauty of this scene. The rolling hills, the green field, the tree-topped mountains, the sweet barn.

Well, I didn't end up finding too many treasures in my garage sale hunt. In fact, my husband and I decided that I'm no longer allowed to go garage sailing by myself. I have to have a babysitter. :)